Death be not proud: 26/11 in the aftermath

The year 2008 left the country aghast with one after the other terror attacks. But we live with a spirit to move on and live the life again. There were so many people dead and some things would never rebound back into their life again…….

It has been a year now and life and Mumbai has also moved on. But this time now…..time will have to be really long to heal those wounds. I am neither celebrating anniversary nor am I paying homage to the people who lost their lives in the 26/11 terror rampage. It is just some sort of indignation for the dastardly attack that rampaged such a huge city in just one night that compelled me to write this down. Everything was caught unawares of and it was just so unbelievable to see things happening and people dying on television. I never wanted to dig deeper to know what the real story was as they tend to reinstill your disbelief in system, destiny, humanity and even God. Few days ago, while browsing, I happened to see the pictures of slained ATS chief Karkare. He was hit in the head and dead on the street. He was left unattended for almost an hour. The pictures took me to videos and videos took me to more stories and research into it. The news pieces, the videos on youtube, different stories …..I caught hold of everything within my periphery just to see how flagrantly heinous an act of human race could have been. It would literally be impossible to get rid of those images. They have found a permanent impression on my memory and has shaken me deeply from inside. I saw the live videos of Hemant Karkare getting ready, Salaskar and Kamte drivng their way towards Cama Hospital when they were reported about the two terrorist heading there. They literally died making desperate incessant calls to the police control room for help and for military assistance which went unanswered. How is that possible at all??? The three top chief of different wings of police kept directing the troops to a particular location and they could not follow the lead for good one hour. This seemed impossible to me. All I can think of is if they would have responded to sos, terrorists would have been nabbed there only and these people would not have died. Such a breach in the functionality of the system is unpardonable. It is such a pity and it is just so tormenting when this thought crosses your mind and you say……. hadn’t it been for this mistake, things in so many lives would have been different.

Few weeks ago, there was a story on the front page of TOI about what the GM of Taj, Karambir had been through that night. He lost his entire family and in the midst of firing and blasts, their bodies were found charred beyond recognition. He decided to move on as he had no other option but to move on with life. There were so many people for whom the world came crashing down that night. This is the story of every man who lost his loved one in the terror attack.

South Mumbai is the heartbeat of the city. If you take a walk by the city lanes, you would see life sprawling and the density of people in the subway or while crossing the road or in the local trains would really amaze you. I have not seen so many people at one place except for Mumbai and the CST station is the most crowded station I have ever been to. When you get off a train here, you will really have to find a way through the crowd out of the station. There is a picture of CST after the attack… the place is empty…no signs of life ……and the blood stained floor. That picture would never sink in my heart. Every time I get down on the CST station and I see people around which is the usual sight there…….I am reminded of that unusual night….and all the while I m walking out of the station…..I can think of nothing except for relating to the spots and the pictures I m talking about. The Leopold café…where I have been to so many times with my friends….. the grenade hole is still there and is exactly beneath the table where we usually sit……….My heart sinks with a thud…..I cant really tell how my mind works then……it is really difficult to make myself believe all this really happened one night. For me nothing has really changed…..Mumbai is still the same and the streets I walk down to will remain the same for next 100 years to come.

No justice so far……the trial of Kasab in abeyance….no answers to so many questions…..I was neither a victim nor a witness to the attack and when it affected me like this…. I don’t really wish to fathom how it makes them really feel. Though such conundrum of life would remain unanswered for me…….now there is more to Mumbai that would inspire me and million others…..the undaunting spirit and its people who make it so…….

Salaam Mumbai!!!

i sometimes think that being overcritical about your own personality is of no good..... doesnt help......

you do it either because you expect yourself to be better and hence you make yourself more receptible to changes.....

or

you do it as fault finding.....probably cz u think u are still not good enuf...

there shud always be a bit of moderation to your thinking. eccentricity is no good as life has shades other than just black and white........

i m writing about this i tend to get over critical about myself almost the whole time..... therefore i can say it doesnt really help you when you need to be at peace and when you need your best to be at your disposal........

a friend of mine told me one day that its okay to be wrong sometimes.......n its okay to be imperfect......

it is okay to be unreasonable ..... n its also okay to feel you are right when you are wrong

it is not wrong to be a bit self centred and sometimes even a lot....

unlike always...i dint reason out what she had said.......cz the echo of it somewhere gave me the liberty to be at peace even if i go wrong......

life is not a set of rules...it is just like a flowing river that turns according to the course it has......

life unfolds and changes gradually...... you learn gradually.......and learning allows you to make mistakes.........

so its not important to be a digihomosapien who does not make any mistakes.....follows the right course and makes the right decision......what's more important is how you learn from different situations and how an experience leaves you with a lesson learnt........

Just believe in yourself that you are right and believe in your potential and that you definetely have something good in you..........

keep your intensions strong and let your actions follow your intension.......

there is no looking back......

so much to say..........

these ordeals leave me shattered from inside......
it is then when my heart doesnt go with my mind..........
still wonder why things were not on my side......
there was so much to say but neva the right time.........

my heart broke to pieces and fell......
and i could never even pull those loose ends.........
i cried my heart out with no one near.......
there was so much to say but no one to hear....................

i want to feel the serenity of the evening on a beach where the sun sets smudging its redness in gray sky..........wanna feel the sea touch my feet and escape..........wanna experience the sound of the ordeals in the sea..........wanna just look at the rain as it falls on the leaves to leave them nothing but brighter and fresh than ever.......... wanna walk on the empty streets and sing why does it always rain on me........smile and laugh about my life as i see it like a movie in my head............i just wanna see all that has been right there and i never cud see.........this time i do not wish to find any refuge........few things in life get you closer to it.......you just need to open your eyes to it.........

best things in life

some of the best things in life happen just by chance, by luck and they happen when you plan them the least... that is what we call it serendipity.......
i very often see myself sitting alone at mood food restless with hapless attempts to make things happen in my life. it has been my refuge for a while...........
there have been times when i was disappointed but there was always something in the air around that touched me up with life......... i could never lose hope..........

i have had the best of times here.....and worst of them too..........we have seen a lot of seasons together. sometimes i even wonder why do i love this rickety noisy place so much?????
hmmm.....there was a familiarity even in the strangeness of the place and the people around.......i think it is because i was the most comfortable with my problems here........more than i could have been in my friend's company.........and i knew this was a place where i cud sit alone and i would still be surrounded with life around.....