when a finger of doubt just lays on you..........

i personally don't like people pointing out things to me..........especially from someone who doesn't know and doesn't even respect what i am.........

this is not about having a high opinion about yourself...this is as basic as just knowing youself well......atleast well enough to have a clarity of perspective and character.........

it is not about people basically doing that....its more bout those people doing it when you expect them to know you........closest of the people..........

for a moment at least it feels like a failure when you spend each day and each moment trying to make a better person of urself.........and all the more when these things are not just a piece of philosophical litany for you but something you really believe in............

and you just dont know how to convince them...

when u dont know where to go

i come back again to think of the title of my blog

life's a haze..........a thick haze where you cant see beyond the uncertainty except accepting what is given to you..........

things come to a standstill after a rollercoaster ride and an ecstatic feeling.........you hold on to it so tight and you don't want to let it go....its just then you feel it slipping out of your hand......

probably you always knew ...just din't know it enough to let it go...........everything then seems so ephemeral and meaningless......and u think why it happened in the first place when never had to stay ........you just dont know why should u be holding on to a mere feeling of yours.......

life seems meaningless and you just stop to take a breath of fresh air....flush things out to ease but that doesnt help too.......you talk, brood , cry, make urself feel miserable......whats all that for ....just for love.........when you put its this way...it might sound mechanical...........which certainly isn't the case at all...............because there is no rationality in the vicinity of irrational....no matter how much you try to relate them.........they break ties without any signs...........

life is not easy i feel today when it comes to personal facets...........it's just so vague.........what should really be done then............just let things come and rattle your life.......

i dont find that convincing enough........

 

its friendship day today........thinking of the day i wudnt be able to think beyond my friends n pune...........i wud have neva realized that i loved being there so much,........until i came to delhi after my graduation..........this place felt exactly the way i used to think pune was - detached and cold -it was after coming here i realized life was so much fun....i know the grass is always greener the other side....bt trust me...this time it actually was.............i dint feel like updating my profile to new delhi...i have decided to leave it jus like that...............i wud want this virtual connection for keeps.......
pune came as a bundle of experiences to my life..........gave me my best friends ever.......gave me that first feeling of love.........which was lost n i cud neva find it again...........led me thru a long sinuous road of experiences and learning.........helped me learn how to survive ............

i have pushed myself really hard to make myself stand where i am now...........it was definitely not easy.............i walked out of a lot of things empty handed.........bare n lost......evrytime taking things into my stride...........yet thinking it cud have been better..............i leave my rationality aside to ask why ???? i want to cry my heart out.............i wish i cud do that n ask why .......i remember every moment n all those times...........those deep buried long lost n forgottens come alive.........i have no grievances bt its a part of me i would neva be able to forget........kept holding on to a baseless part of me.........i cant write what i see infront of my eyes and how do i feel about it...........

its difficult to assimilate all your thoughts to a point and put them on paper in words.......
have you ever imagined yourself as a mere entity...who did not have this sense of expression........do u get a picture of what the life would have been like????? there wudnt be the life we are living rite now.......
life becomes so monotonous at times that something inside u urges to breakthrough the shell ........bt this shell grows impermeable to any change with time............u start weaving a new life inside the periphery........this keeps happening..........its cyclic and its life.............
this was jus a passing thought..........