Acceptance

Life is a weird tasting concoction....Misunderstandings, love, hatred, jealousy, affection, adulation, pacification, success, failures, vices, virtues and a few that you wont be able to define yourself even after you die. Basically the conundrum of life. Everyone has a unique understanding of things around and they are completely justified for how and what they think cz that completely depends on the place they come from, the situation and circumstances.
I do wonder despite all how we coexist individually with dissension within and around us even after expressing each of these feelings out loud. the law of physics established the fact that similar poles of a magnet do not attract but they never questioned the existence of the other. thats the law of nature and thats what we are told to learn everyday- Acceptance.We should be aware but not necessarily against something that does not fall in the same league as us. and thats how the concept of choice exists. we choose clothes, friends we make, colour we wear, food we eat, book we read.....it is the freedom of choice and acceptance of thoughts that helped the world exist even after the world wars. conflicts are imminent until we try to step into someone else's shoes and think.As i said everyone is right in his own respect based on the place that they come from. we should have the guts to accept our mistakes, shortcomings and exhilarate our success and strengths. it just makes gulping down the concoction easier. be true to yourself may be deny it to the world....be transparent to yourself than to another person....be the person to question yourself first than accusing another. Know who you are and the world will just be as you wish to see it.....

life is definitely wierd. gives you what you expected the least and takes away what you loved the most. but i must say it has its own charm. if it threw you into a labyrinth of problems......it also takes you to a point where you are so content that you just smile to yourself even when you are alone..... doing nothing.....
I am beginning afresh and it is a kind of thrill for me. :)

Rains for me :)

you sit by the windowslide
when it rains outside
the coffee is now hot
n the fingertips numb to knots
the leaves are damp n green
n there's a chill within
you stare the days behind
n you wish you could rewind
you smile to yourself n think
m standing on yet another brink
n you sigh until this sinks
the life would move on and the chill would subside
when you see the blue sky n the sun shining bright

change

change is constant and is not defined by good or bad...positive or negative......at the end of the day...its just a change to the world....but it makes difference when you go off to sleep feeling good about it.......thats where it makes a difference...
you learn things when you are keen to...you listen when you want to....you understand things when you wish to......no matter how hard you try to unfold, complexities barely desert you....it is just a part of life...and it should just be left to that......and see things ahead when they seem the most abstruse.....
it all depends on you if you want to see the world through a clear glass than or a blurred one.
i want to admit this....my complexities and uncertainties pertaining to it had literally blinded to the best things around me.....since things did not go fine lately....i tended to see things as not fine.......i was not like that so it was claustrophobic to be in it....i needed a change from not being myself....from not being fine with things that went wrong and that will go wrong...things always go wrong....you do not pass your entrance for the college you wanted so much to study...where you have to become the punching bag when you yourself need one.......listening when you wanted to be listened to......when you do not find peace with anything around you....and when you blame your fate for your miseries......

revelation is the word.....exactly ..thats what you need to be yourself again....be happy in things which are unpleasant.....cz the bottomline is that dwelling on the miseries never finds solution......
both the situations put the same question to you....HOW...only the frame of mind and hence the perspective is different......

Role Reversal

I am not a feminist and I certainly do not hate men. That would be a stupid thing to do .
But I like it today when I see women working, all on their own and when i see they have a life outside the world of "fulfilling others needs". When on my way to work i see women rushing to their work after probably sending their kids and husband away. I feel amazed, inspired and proud of my species .
My generation of people are unpopular for their notoriety of ideas and philosophies. There are lesser strings attached and we tend to customize our responsibilities as per our convenience. The women of my mother’s age inspire me because I see them at the same place as I am with no slack cut out for them. It must have been quite a struggle. The middle generation definitely bears the brunt for the convenience we have at our disposal.
Look around. You will get what am I trying to say?
We give example of women like Indra Nooyi, Pratibha Patil, Sheila Dixit, Kiran Bedi. These women are iconic and probably inspire million of young girls today. But I wonder how different these women are from the ones I have been talking about.
By drawing a parallel with the achievements of these women, has the Indian woman finally broken those invisible shackles?
This question speaks for itself........"invisible shackles"......of course women today are way past that time when sati was a pratha.....education for them did not exist.. ..they had to execute the defined roles in the house ......nothing more than that as we have been living in the male dominated society......
Things have changed and now women live in a society where men are liberally dominating but that edge still exists today. There cannot be a yes or no or may be for this question. The picture remains grey like most of the realistic things in life.
Here is the white picture.......if we look at Indra Nooyi and similar women making the headlines today.... we would definitely say that yeah women have broken the shackles ..........they are corporate executives, journalists, astronauts, actress, models and what not. They have a family and they have a greater liberty of customizing the responsibilities like I said. This is the no shackle picture.....where they exercise freedom in all forms.....

The black picture is taken from the lives of those girls in comparatively undeveloped cities of India, they are still living the same life. The difference being that they are now educated to execute those defined roles. In Rajasthan, a girl child is still killed and they are still married minors.

Here is the grey picture...which I feel actually exists for the majority. Here women can exercise their freedom only if they can juggle it with their traditional duties. Not much has changed for a man in this male dominated society in fact it has become more convenient as women can assist them financially in building a household. It is not a sole but a shared responsibility for a man. Women in turn, took up added responsibilities to be where they are today….even the ones in the forbes list.

tug of war

show me the light
hope am fighting it right
i know things cannot be this tough
it's just the phase thats rough
life is nt this unless we complicate it
if that is so....then be it

i am standing here and i would'nt budge
let's see who gives in to this nudge
you have your own reasons, i have mine
let's not question us, till we are fine

open your eyes.......

Life is truly driven by your perspective and perception towards things. Failures and success affect you the way you want them to affect you. Well lofty words…people say it’s easier said than done… but i believe…there is always a possibility to see the silver lining even in the grey clouds. Unless you do that, you would never be able to tide over the tough times. The more you live in defiance and denial, the more difficult it becomes to let things go and start afresh.
“ leave no stone unturned”
“try n try until you succeed”
can only be implemented if you are in a receptive state of mind… that goes to say that you have tested your threshold of flexibility towards the changes in life. I think … the things that seem impossible at some stage…….will seem doable if our perspective or the way we see it changes. Most of us happen to see life exactly according to the situation we are put in ie we judge it by its happiness quotient.
…..Life unfolds itself in the most beautiful way……and beauty lies if you just go with the flow….i sometimes sit by myself to think…. Hadn’t it been for all these tough times…… we would have been deprived of so many emotions……these are the few things which take us closer to life……..
some of the best things in life happen just by chance, by luck and they happen when you plan them the least... that is what we call serendipity.......
i very often see myself sitting alone at mood food restless with hapless attempts to make things happen in my life. it had been my refuge for a while...........
there had been times when i was disappointed but there was always something in the air around that touched me up with life......... i could never lose hope..........
i have had the best of times here.....and worst of them too..........we have seen a lot of seasons together. sometimes i even wonder why do i love this rickety noisy place so much?????
I guess.....there is a familiarity even in the strangeness of the place and the people around....... and i knew this was a place where i could sit alone and i would still be surrounded with life.....

life’s on the grind……. there is a constant rush ………….there’s no time to breathe as there are needs to fulfill….. ….we tend to overlook or look through some of the best things in life just because we are too tied up to responsibilities, pressure of performance or else there are other pressing issues at hand.
No matter what!! We must always have time to smile over the good moments even in the worst days…..look at things which are better than the worse……should have the guts to call the glass half full than half empty……and should be able to say how close we are to our goal than to how far……
You know what the most fulfilling feeling is!!!
It is when you can go off to sleep being at peace and being happy about things in life….

There is something about Mumbai that intrigues and inspires me at the same time. People say that life is not easy in a city like Mumbai…………you got to have that survival instinct to be one and to be able to live there. I see it differently… it is one city which assimilates you, life at different levels and in different forms…..
I have been to Mumbai many times….there was this one time when I had gone for my interview to one of the colleges…it was a crucial juncture for me …the deciding point. I was nervous, restless, tensed, dazed and uncertain about most of the things. With all these things in mind I was sitting at nariman point. It is one place where you cannot hold on to negativity for long. The silence, the sea, the people and the air serenades calmness on you and you would be holding on to nothing but a smile on your face.

These personal insights of my life are of no relevance to the readers, all I mean to convey is that no matter how down you are in life….. there would always be something which would push you through such phases…… These are some of the best times in your life…when something completely unrelated to you can make you smile……things that can make you forget about your own problems………faces and people whose presence relieve those tensed folds on your forehead….friendly banters that can make you laugh your stomach out loud that too when you were sad and had tears in your eyes…….smiles of those close ones which silently assure you that things would be fine…….AND when the sucking sense of humor of your friends can make you laugh……
It is then you feel…..it’s just a part and parcel of life…….
Cheers to it!!....

Death be not proud: 26/11 in the aftermath

The year 2008 left the country aghast with one after the other terror attacks. But we live with a spirit to move on and live the life again. There were so many people dead and some things would never rebound back into their life again…….

It has been a year now and life and Mumbai has also moved on. But this time now…..time will have to be really long to heal those wounds. I am neither celebrating anniversary nor am I paying homage to the people who lost their lives in the 26/11 terror rampage. It is just some sort of indignation for the dastardly attack that rampaged such a huge city in just one night that compelled me to write this down. Everything was caught unawares of and it was just so unbelievable to see things happening and people dying on television. I never wanted to dig deeper to know what the real story was as they tend to reinstill your disbelief in system, destiny, humanity and even God. Few days ago, while browsing, I happened to see the pictures of slained ATS chief Karkare. He was hit in the head and dead on the street. He was left unattended for almost an hour. The pictures took me to videos and videos took me to more stories and research into it. The news pieces, the videos on youtube, different stories …..I caught hold of everything within my periphery just to see how flagrantly heinous an act of human race could have been. It would literally be impossible to get rid of those images. They have found a permanent impression on my memory and has shaken me deeply from inside. I saw the live videos of Hemant Karkare getting ready, Salaskar and Kamte drivng their way towards Cama Hospital when they were reported about the two terrorist heading there. They literally died making desperate incessant calls to the police control room for help and for military assistance which went unanswered. How is that possible at all??? The three top chief of different wings of police kept directing the troops to a particular location and they could not follow the lead for good one hour. This seemed impossible to me. All I can think of is if they would have responded to sos, terrorists would have been nabbed there only and these people would not have died. Such a breach in the functionality of the system is unpardonable. It is such a pity and it is just so tormenting when this thought crosses your mind and you say……. hadn’t it been for this mistake, things in so many lives would have been different.

Few weeks ago, there was a story on the front page of TOI about what the GM of Taj, Karambir had been through that night. He lost his entire family and in the midst of firing and blasts, their bodies were found charred beyond recognition. He decided to move on as he had no other option but to move on with life. There were so many people for whom the world came crashing down that night. This is the story of every man who lost his loved one in the terror attack.

South Mumbai is the heartbeat of the city. If you take a walk by the city lanes, you would see life sprawling and the density of people in the subway or while crossing the road or in the local trains would really amaze you. I have not seen so many people at one place except for Mumbai and the CST station is the most crowded station I have ever been to. When you get off a train here, you will really have to find a way through the crowd out of the station. There is a picture of CST after the attack… the place is empty…no signs of life ……and the blood stained floor. That picture would never sink in my heart. Every time I get down on the CST station and I see people around which is the usual sight there…….I am reminded of that unusual night….and all the while I m walking out of the station…..I can think of nothing except for relating to the spots and the pictures I m talking about. The Leopold café…where I have been to so many times with my friends….. the grenade hole is still there and is exactly beneath the table where we usually sit……….My heart sinks with a thud…..I cant really tell how my mind works then……it is really difficult to make myself believe all this really happened one night. For me nothing has really changed…..Mumbai is still the same and the streets I walk down to will remain the same for next 100 years to come.

No justice so far……the trial of Kasab in abeyance….no answers to so many questions…..I was neither a victim nor a witness to the attack and when it affected me like this…. I don’t really wish to fathom how it makes them really feel. Though such conundrum of life would remain unanswered for me…….now there is more to Mumbai that would inspire me and million others…..the undaunting spirit and its people who make it so…….

Salaam Mumbai!!!

i sometimes think that being overcritical about your own personality is of no good..... doesnt help......

you do it either because you expect yourself to be better and hence you make yourself more receptible to changes.....

or

you do it as fault finding.....probably cz u think u are still not good enuf...

there shud always be a bit of moderation to your thinking. eccentricity is no good as life has shades other than just black and white........

i m writing about this i tend to get over critical about myself almost the whole time..... therefore i can say it doesnt really help you when you need to be at peace and when you need your best to be at your disposal........

a friend of mine told me one day that its okay to be wrong sometimes.......n its okay to be imperfect......

it is okay to be unreasonable ..... n its also okay to feel you are right when you are wrong

it is not wrong to be a bit self centred and sometimes even a lot....

unlike always...i dint reason out what she had said.......cz the echo of it somewhere gave me the liberty to be at peace even if i go wrong......

life is not a set of rules...it is just like a flowing river that turns according to the course it has......

life unfolds and changes gradually...... you learn gradually.......and learning allows you to make mistakes.........

so its not important to be a digihomosapien who does not make any mistakes.....follows the right course and makes the right decision......what's more important is how you learn from different situations and how an experience leaves you with a lesson learnt........

Just believe in yourself that you are right and believe in your potential and that you definetely have something good in you..........

keep your intensions strong and let your actions follow your intension.......

there is no looking back......

so much to say..........

these ordeals leave me shattered from inside......
it is then when my heart doesnt go with my mind..........
still wonder why things were not on my side......
there was so much to say but neva the right time.........

my heart broke to pieces and fell......
and i could never even pull those loose ends.........
i cried my heart out with no one near.......
there was so much to say but no one to hear....................

i want to feel the serenity of the evening on a beach where the sun sets smudging its redness in gray sky..........wanna feel the sea touch my feet and escape..........wanna experience the sound of the ordeals in the sea..........wanna just look at the rain as it falls on the leaves to leave them nothing but brighter and fresh than ever.......... wanna walk on the empty streets and sing why does it always rain on me........smile and laugh about my life as i see it like a movie in my head............i just wanna see all that has been right there and i never cud see.........this time i do not wish to find any refuge........few things in life get you closer to it.......you just need to open your eyes to it.........

best things in life

some of the best things in life happen just by chance, by luck and they happen when you plan them the least... that is what we call it serendipity.......
i very often see myself sitting alone at mood food restless with hapless attempts to make things happen in my life. it has been my refuge for a while...........
there have been times when i was disappointed but there was always something in the air around that touched me up with life......... i could never lose hope..........

i have had the best of times here.....and worst of them too..........we have seen a lot of seasons together. sometimes i even wonder why do i love this rickety noisy place so much?????
hmmm.....there was a familiarity even in the strangeness of the place and the people around.......i think it is because i was the most comfortable with my problems here........more than i could have been in my friend's company.........and i knew this was a place where i cud sit alone and i would still be surrounded with life around.....

when a finger of doubt just lays on you..........

i personally don't like people pointing out things to me..........especially from someone who doesn't know and doesn't even respect what i am.........

this is not about having a high opinion about yourself...this is as basic as just knowing youself well......atleast well enough to have a clarity of perspective and character.........

it is not about people basically doing that....its more bout those people doing it when you expect them to know you........closest of the people..........

for a moment at least it feels like a failure when you spend each day and each moment trying to make a better person of urself.........and all the more when these things are not just a piece of philosophical litany for you but something you really believe in............

and you just dont know how to convince them...

when u dont know where to go

i come back again to think of the title of my blog

life's a haze..........a thick haze where you cant see beyond the uncertainty except accepting what is given to you..........

things come to a standstill after a rollercoaster ride and an ecstatic feeling.........you hold on to it so tight and you don't want to let it go....its just then you feel it slipping out of your hand......

probably you always knew ...just din't know it enough to let it go...........everything then seems so ephemeral and meaningless......and u think why it happened in the first place when never had to stay ........you just dont know why should u be holding on to a mere feeling of yours.......

life seems meaningless and you just stop to take a breath of fresh air....flush things out to ease but that doesnt help too.......you talk, brood , cry, make urself feel miserable......whats all that for ....just for love.........when you put its this way...it might sound mechanical...........which certainly isn't the case at all...............because there is no rationality in the vicinity of irrational....no matter how much you try to relate them.........they break ties without any signs...........

life is not easy i feel today when it comes to personal facets...........it's just so vague.........what should really be done then............just let things come and rattle your life.......

i dont find that convincing enough........

 

its friendship day today........thinking of the day i wudnt be able to think beyond my friends n pune...........i wud have neva realized that i loved being there so much,........until i came to delhi after my graduation..........this place felt exactly the way i used to think pune was - detached and cold -it was after coming here i realized life was so much fun....i know the grass is always greener the other side....bt trust me...this time it actually was.............i dint feel like updating my profile to new delhi...i have decided to leave it jus like that...............i wud want this virtual connection for keeps.......
pune came as a bundle of experiences to my life..........gave me my best friends ever.......gave me that first feeling of love.........which was lost n i cud neva find it again...........led me thru a long sinuous road of experiences and learning.........helped me learn how to survive ............

i have pushed myself really hard to make myself stand where i am now...........it was definitely not easy.............i walked out of a lot of things empty handed.........bare n lost......evrytime taking things into my stride...........yet thinking it cud have been better..............i leave my rationality aside to ask why ???? i want to cry my heart out.............i wish i cud do that n ask why .......i remember every moment n all those times...........those deep buried long lost n forgottens come alive.........i have no grievances bt its a part of me i would neva be able to forget........kept holding on to a baseless part of me.........i cant write what i see infront of my eyes and how do i feel about it...........

its difficult to assimilate all your thoughts to a point and put them on paper in words.......
have you ever imagined yourself as a mere entity...who did not have this sense of expression........do u get a picture of what the life would have been like????? there wudnt be the life we are living rite now.......
life becomes so monotonous at times that something inside u urges to breakthrough the shell ........bt this shell grows impermeable to any change with time............u start weaving a new life inside the periphery........this keeps happening..........its cyclic and its life.............
this was jus a passing thought..........

anonimity gives you so much of a strength that you sometimes speak up what you would not have done normally............
and thats because you actually have nothing to lose then......and you have no one to judge you around.......you revel in your own world which is as non existent to others as it is existent to you.........
one should not bother oneself with what people will think or how would i be judged ........esp in this world of an ever growing population......with such an increasing population umpteen categories of people are being added who judge things with their own perspectives........a mere difference in perspective cannot stamp u as someone who does not belong to this world.......

life shows us its myriad colours .....all the time......
people say i am philosophical but i dont think so because it is what life offers you and how u reciprocate to it..........
at times u see yourself standing at a junction where you have no clues which way should you walk? you dont get any answers to any of the questions........why does that happen?
sometimes you cannot even reason out your own feelings and what you do? may be some things in your life have no answers at all and you just walk ahead leaving those questions in abeyance..............therefore my blog is life's a haze............